This post is for my FB friends Kathleen and Lori in response to a conversation going on right now on Facebook. I believe you both will find value in this, as will anyone else who happens to read it. It is a brief excerpt from my SWAN workshop that I used to teach in the domestic violence shelters.
Enjoy. And remember that YOU, whoever you are and whatever you are living, ARE Somebody Worth Accepting Now.
"Do you know the
Ugly Duckling story? Here it is in a paragraph: A mama duck was sitting on her
eggs, impatiently waiting for the last, and biggest, one to hatch. All the rest
of the ducklings had come out of their shells already, and they were all
normal, healthy, cute babies. After what seemed a particularly long wait, the
last egg finally cracked open and out came the ugliest duckling that any of the
farmyard animals had ever seen! Well, he survived in that farmyard for a while,
always on the outside of things – always being pecked at and beat up by the
other ducks, always wishing that someone – anyone – could find a way to like
and accept him. Finally one day he couldn’t take it anymore and he left the
farmyard. He wandered and wandered, depressed and lonely, hoping he could find
a way to get someone to love him – hoping he could find a way to fit in
somewhere. He tried to fit in with various other animals; geese, chickens, a
cat…always with the same results – he continued to be picked on and to feel
ugly and unworthy of happiness. Then one day he saw a group of beautiful,
graceful birds from a distance. He wondered what kind of birds they were – he
felt a strong attraction to them, they were so beautiful! But he just knew he
would never be accepted by them – why would those gorgeous birds want an ugly
thing like him around? So he turned around and went the other way, to live a
sad and lonely life on his own. Winter came, and to the ugly duckling’s
surprise (and disappointment), he survived it. He was still wandering, alone
and miserable, wondering why he had ever been given this life at all if he had
to spend it like this. Spring came, and in his wanderings, he found another
group of those beautiful, graceful birds swimming in a pond. He made a decision
in that moment to go to them and ask them if they could accept him into their
group, even though he was so ugly. He told himself, “I am what I am, and I want
to be myself.” He decided he wanted to be accepted for what he was – he didn’t
want to have to pretend to be something else in order to fit in. So he gathered
up his courage, and he moved toward the group of birds floating on the pond. As
he came into view and they saw him, imagine his surprise and amazement to find
that they were happy to see him! They rushed to him and welcomed him as one of
them even before he opened his mouth to say anything! He didn’t understand; he
thought maybe they were playing some sort of cruel game with him. He lowered
his head, wondering what he should do, not trusting the situation. He didn’t
get it until, as he lowered his head, he saw his own reflection in the water. And
what did he see? He saw that he was every bit as beautiful and graceful as
those wonderful birds who were welcoming him into their group! He had finally
found a place where he fit in, and he said, “I never dreamed of such happiness
as this, while I was an ugly duckling!”
There are two
very important points that I want to make here. Number one is with regard to
the last sentence in that story, “I never dreamed of such happiness as this,
while I was an ugly duckling!” The Truth is that he was never an ugly
duckling! He was never a duck at all! He only thought he was a duck because his circumstances had told him he was
a duck. The truth – that he was really a swan – was there all along, he just
needed to find it for himself.
And the second
point I’d like to make is this: He never would have been accepted into that
group of swans if he hadn’t first accepted himself for what he was.
He had to do that before he could even begin to take the steps needed to get
himself moving in their direction. And if he hadn’t been able to accept himself
for what he was in the first place, he would have continued to believe what the
circumstances of his life had always told him, and he would have turned around
and walked the other way, never knowing the truth – always living his life as
less than he really was.
So what’s our
Truth here? The Truth is that it’s never too late for us to accept ourselves
for who we really are. It’s never too late for us to stop pretending to be
something we’re not, just so we can fit in somewhere or get someone to love us.
The Truth is that we are all SWANs and we all deserve to live lives of beauty
and happiness! That is the Truth – I know it for my Self and I now live my life
from that place of Knowing.
The biggest and
most profound decision I have ever made was on the Greyhound bus on the way to Arizona. That decision
was: “I want to be who I really am, not what everyone else says I am or thinks
I should be. I now accept myself as myself and for myself, and I know that it’s
okay for me to live my life the way I want to live it. It’s okay for me to be
happy!”
That decision
opened up a whole new way of living for me. And now when I look at myself in
the mirror, I don’t see ugliness, or a duck, any more. The Truth is that I was
never a duck. I have always been a swan, I
just needed to figure that out for myself. And as soon as I did that, my whole
life changed.
I am – and you
are, too – Somebody Worth Accepting Now!"
