And So Life Progresses...

So, you've decided that you want to grow as a person. To become better, "bigger," more aware, more "enlightened." And then it seems like the second you make that decision, your life becomes MORE DIFFICULT instead of the "EASIER" life you had hoped and aimed for. Basically, it feels like all hell has broken loose, and you find yourself in amazing emotional pain.

I used to believe that this was the Universe (God, the Divine, whatever you want to call It) giving me opportunities to practice being the person I was working to become.

I do not believe this anymore. Why? Because it has become clear to me lately that the Divine already knows who I really am, and It knows that I don't need to be fixed.

What I'm coming to realize lately is that the "shit" that comes up for me when I set a real intention to become a better-bigger-different person is ME showing MYSELF where my work is. And then - as the drama unfolds and expands and feels truly ugly and way bigger than what I believe I can handle - THAT is the time for me to sincerely ask myself what I believe is the most important question ever:

How much do I want what I SAY I want?

Do I want it enough to do the work necessary to change who I am? Do I want to become that bigger-better-different person so much that I am willing to work my way through this? Do I want it enough to admit to myself that the ugly-feeling, painful-feeling crap that is showing up in my life is actually bits of ME, of who I currently am, showing me the aspects of ME that must shift in order for that bigger-better-different version of me to "become?"

The Universe - GOD - is not responsible for my pain or even just my challenges. GOD does not set challenges in front of me for me to conquer. No. It is my own subconscious programming, my paradigms, my Personal Belief System that is doing that. It is NEVER anything outside of me. And it is ALWAYS up to me how I choose to deal with it. 

It CAN be changed, transmuted, transformed. But only if I'm willing to stick with it.

I believe that this is a basic Truth for every one of us.