I Choose… My Mindset
So this is how it works: We make a decision for a better-feeling, more expanded life, and what happens? All hell appears to break loose in our life.
That’s what’s going on with me right now. I’ve been doing good – I’ve been right on track with making this the “big” year that I decided it was going to be before my birthday last month. And now? Holy crap! It really does appear that all hell has not only broken loose in my life, but that it all broke loose and landed right smack on top of me. And, it is freaking heavy!
Here’s what I know about this, though. The paradigm (the pattern, subconscious programming, comfort zone, inner critic—call it whatever you want. It is all the same thing) … it doesn’t mind a bit when we decide to live our lives outside of the boundary that it has built around our personal belief system. We can decide to do things differently all day long and our programming won’t blink an eye. But if we should actually start doing things in a way that doesn’t fit within that boundary, our paradigm will make our life completely miserable until we either give up on what we want, or do the work that it will take to first neutralize and then shift that inner pattern.
For me right now, it seems that things have gotten really bad and that nothing is going the way I want it to go, and I have spent some time over the last few days in a state of frustration, anger, and self-condemnation.
I am really very grateful that I know what this is, though, and that I’m able to work my way through it in a healthy way.
Here’s the thing that I know. This is NOT about circumstances or anything that seems like it’s “outside” of me. My life this week is not happening TO me. It is happening THROUGH me, and WITH me, and FOR me. It is ONLY my current pattern—my paradigm—asserting itself (powerfully!) as it is doing everything it can to “catastrophize” all of this unexpected extra “stuff” that is happening right now. And I know that if I handle it in the way that my paradigm needs me to, then this circumstance (which in reality is completely neutral and doesn’t care one bit what I think about it or how I feel about it) is going to continue to feel bad, overwhelming, frustrating, etc., and it will flatten me.
When I noticed that I was experiencing it that way, I knew it was time to change my mindset. I deliberately chose to unset my mind from the belief that “this feels bad so it must be bad and I must handle it like it really is something bad and I must be bad, myself, because this is happening in the first place.” I knew it was time to turn the dial and change the setting, because I knew that the belief I just described did not have to be my truth.
As I spoke of last week, THIS (right here right now) is my only available Choice Point. If I am ever going to shift my direction it MUST be done right here and right now. If I were to continue operating from the mindset that “this is bad and so am I,” where would that take me? And where would I end up if I turned that dial even the slightest little bit? That would (and DID) take me to a whole new place.
Yesterday, I turned that dial deliberately, and I set my mind to the frequency/pattern of a person who doesn’t feel flattened and buried under a mountain of overwhelm, but who actually appreciates the challenge and the opportunity that this circumstance is giving me to BE a woman who handles these kinds of challenges in stride. And the result? Something that I experienced as “unpleasant (and stinky!)” and that felt like it was trying to bury me on Friday—and that I thought was literally going to take me a solid week to take care of—was 9/10ths finished by 5:30 yesterday afternoon. It will be completed today, and I have become a different, more empowered person than I was just two days ago because I changed my mindset just that tiniest bit.
I am not the same person I was before this giant stinky pile of “catastrophe” happened. I am now a better, stronger, more confident, more capable-feeling person because it happened. I am grateful that it did happen because of the Gifts that I received from it that I would not have found if that “pile” hadn’t landed on me.
And now I have even more proof that I always get to choose what I think about things. Always. I am the only one who can ever make that choice. I am the only one who can ever “set my own dial” deliberately to the mindset that I WANT to operate from.
I Choose… My Mindset
This week I choose to notice when I am “catastrophizing” my circumstances, and I make the deliberate choice to “turn my dial” to the setting of a person who knows how to handle “big” stuff not only in a way that is healthy and empowering, but that is happy, as well. I choose a mindset that can see and receive the Gifts that are an inherent part of any “pile” that I could ever find myself in.
What about you? What’s going on in YOUR life right now that you could experience differently if you were to turn your own “dial” just a little bit? How would you be experiencing your own “stuff” if you were to unset your current way of thinking about this circumstance and set it to something else? What would you see and receive if you were to choose the setting of a person who is good at sifting through your own personal “pile” and finding the Gifts that live there?
Just a little shift in direction and a mile down the road you’re in a whole new place, right? The analogy that I’m playing with here would say, “Just a little shift in your mindset and in a month—or even in just a few days—you will have become a very different person from who you’ve been up until now.”
I find that this practice makes me feel strong, and capable, and hopeful, and confident that I am making the right moves even when it feels like I’ve been buried under a stinky, unpleasant-seeming pile.
What mindset do you choose the most consistently? And what would happen in your life if you were to turn that dial just the slightest bit?
Have an awesome day if you choose to!
Have an awesome day if you choose to!
Rev. Sandra Daly
“Speak your Soul into this space.” Em Claire
In August of 1999 - after 34 years of living a life of physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, and spiritual abuse - I began the process of changing that belief and that way of life, and that process began with one simple thought.
"There's gotta be a better way for me to live than this."
I had never in my life even entertained the POSSIBILITY that there could be a different way of life for me, and when that thought showed up that August day I had no idea what to do with it. I did not believe it was possible for me to have a different life, because I could only see my entire life up to that point as proof that it was NOT possible.
But I stayed with that brand new baby thought, and I followed its lead. And my life changed.
Ten months later I made a SPECTACULAR leap of faith, and I left my domestic violence life behind me forever, and I have written three books about different aspects of that experience ("Choose Your Universe," "Pop Your Paradigm," and "Successfully MidAir").
But without those ten months of INNER work, leading up to that leap of faith, that "spectacular" experience would have ended not in a brand new, different kind of life, but with a re-creation of the old one, because I would have taken that leap within the patterns of belief that I had always lived.
I have recently come to recognize that the sharing of this "There's gotta be a better way..." part of my story will be incredibly valuable to those who are still "in it," and who are thinking some version of that thought for themselves but have no idea what to do next. I absolutely believe that my own experience was a part of my Purpose in life, so that - from here - I could create this program and share it with those who are currently existing in that type of experience.
That is what this GoFundMe request is for. I am currently working on this book/program that is meant to help those people who are currently living that kind of life, and who are ready to start entertaining some version of the thought that "there's gotta be a better way." (And SO MANY of them are! They just don't know what to do with it, so they sit either in complete disbelief, or in wishful thinking, neither of which will do anything to create any sort of healthy change for them.)
Leaving is not an EVENT. It's a PROCESS. My own experience taught me that. This book/program will provide:
1. A clear, simple, easy-to-understand description of why "just leaving" doesn't work
2. An understanding of how choosing to trust the "there's gotta be a better way" idea can successfully change a victim's life
3. Several real and specific tools that can be applied within the life that is begging to be changed, for the purpose of really creating permanent change
This will be a book/program that is meant to be provided to men and women in shelters AND those who are still in relationship with their abusers and are looking for a way to live that experience differently, in a way that will have them feeling empowered within their experience, rather than stuck in it with nowhere to go.
I am asking for help in raising $20,000 to fund this project. Why? Because I feel - urgently - that NOW is the time for me to do this, and it is a program that is so worthy of funding because it is so desperately needed in our communities!
I turned 51 on Wednesday January 13, 2016. My mom - who lived and died as a victim - died when she was 51. And she died without ever finding out that there was another way she could have done her life.
I am living this year in her honor, and this project is dedicated to her memory. She tried SO HARD to change her life, but none of the things she did made a difference. And then she died. I did not change my own life until after she was gone, so she never got to see me happy or emotionally healthy.
This project is being created in her honor, and in honor of ALL of those men, women, and children who have died as a result of domestic abuse.
In honor of those who are gone, but FOR those who do NOT have to live and die that way!
This is YOUR opportunity to make a diffence. Help me to help them. Please.
The funds raised here will go specifically toward the creation of this Heart Work, and I will be happy to account for where every penny goes, to anyone who asks for that accounting. I am so serious about this. It is my Purpose, and it is my Divine Calling, and I SO appreciate any and all assistance in helping me to bring it into reality!
Thank you so much!