Choose Your Universe
Welcome to chooseyouruniverse.com!! It is my joy and my privilege to have you here!
Tuesday, December 25, 2018
I Choose... Surrender
I have decided on my theme for 2019. It is going to be a year of absolute Surrender. Not the “I give up” kind of surrender, but the “I trust Divine Will” kind of surrender.
I usually use the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day to decide what I want the following year to be about, but this time around, on Christmas morning, the decision has been made.
Why? Because of a whole slew of personal struggle that I’ve been living lately. From physical health issues to out-of-control self-hatred to acute anxiety to NONE of mine and Rick’s Christmas gifts working this morning. It feels like nothing is going the way I want it to right now, and I am really struggling with that. (I know – rationally and intellectually – that’s not true, but it IS how it feels.)
It’s helpful that I’m in the middle of revising Pop Your Paradigm, because in order to do that I’ve had to immerse myself in that material. It happens to be a great reminder of how I handled a really tough situation almost twenty years ago. I surrendered back then, too, and my entire life changed for the better because of that.
What did I surrender to back then? My Friendly Universe.
Albert Einstein said that the most important thing we could ever ask ourselves is this: Is the universe friendly? Or is it hostile?
Twenty years ago, the universe that I was experiencing was decidedly hostile. The idea that I could just choose to see it differently was a revelation to me. I decided to give it a shot. I began looking for the “friendly” in my universe even in the most painful-feeling situations.
And every single time I looked for it, I found it. Every time. Even when I was crouched in a corner, protecting my face from my boyfriend’s fists. Yes, even in situations like that, when my life was in danger of being ended at his hands.
If I could surrender in that circumstance (not my will, but Thine), and come out the other side the better for it, then I can certainly do it in this circumstance.
This week I Choose Surrender. I surrender this moment. I surrender the upcoming year. Not my will, but Thine. I let go of trying to control my outcomes. I surrender to the need for self-love and self-care. I let go of wishing other people and/or my circumstances would change so that I could feel better in or about them. I surrender to things as-they-are and I trust that I will find my Friendly Universe wherever I choose to look for it.
I commit to making Surrender to Divine Will and deliberately choosing my Friendly Universe (they are basically two different ways of looking at the same thing) the foundation on which my personal experience of 2019 is built.
What about you? What’s your Theme for 2019 going to be? Any idea? Whatever it is, may you thoroughly enjoy your entire year.
Love
Sandi
Friday, October 20, 2017
I Choose... "IN"
Hi All!
So I have a situation in my life right now that, due to the
actions of other people who are involved, is not going the way I would prefer
it to. Not even close. And it seems that I am constantly finding myself in a
feeling of resentment about it, which is not a pleasant feeling at all. I want
this endeavor to go the way I want it to go, and the more it doesn’t live up to
my original expectations of it, the more frustrated and irritated and, yes,
angry and hurt, I become.
Well, as you’ve all heard me say countless times over the
years, this is just a circumstance. And
circumstances are completely neutral. “Circum-stance”
means “that which stands around me,” and it doesn’t get any more neutral than
that, does it? Which means what? It means that the circumstance, itself, does
not care one bit what I think of it or how I feel about it. It just IS. It also
means that – as is ALWAYS the case – I get to choose how I experience this
circumstance. I can sit here and stew in my resentment, and let that resentment
set the tone of my responses as things progress, or I can choose a different
experience of the situation, which will automatically change my responses.
I asked myself a couple of days ago, “Who do I want to BE in
this?” And the answer was that I want to be one of those people who is not
bothered by stuff like this even when it’s something that’s important to them –
something that they have a lot of time and money and “self” invested in. I want
to be like the mystic, or the guru, or the “practitioner” who has been
practicing their spiritual work for so long that things like this don’t have
the power to knock them off balance. You know, someone who can easily forgive
and be loving no matter what appears to be happening in the circumstance.
Someone who does not blame others or keep score of all the “wrongs” that they
have done. That’s the version of me that I would like to be in this.
However, when I got honest with myself I had to admit that
that version of myself feels way out of reach right now. So, what to do? I know
I do not want to stay angry and resentful, and that something’s got to change…
(in me.
Not in this other person’s behavior. I don’t get to ask or expect this other
person to change just so I can feel better in the situation. While they are
responsible for their actions, and the consequences of those actions, they are not
responsible for my perception or emotional experience of their actions.) …but
as I saw the vision of the me that I want to be, the only thing that came to me
was, “I’ll never be able to live up to that. It’s too far away from where I am
right now.”
And the next thought felt like a suggestion straight from
the Divine, “Rather than trying to live UP to something that feels so far out
of reach, why don’t you just live IN to those qualities as best you can from
here? Just live IN to that version of you in the best way you can in each
moment. You know that version of you does exist. Stop trying to force it.
Just live IN to it.” And in that idea I found my emotional ease.
I cannot force another person to make the choices that I
want them to make. But I can be aware enough in the moment to
pay attention to the tone of my own attitudes and responses as things move
forward. Resentment breeds responses that will just create more resentment, and
I know it.
For now, I choose to keep in mind the version of me that I
want to be. I choose NOT to pressure myself to live UP to that vision because I
can feel a lot of “martyr mentality” in that. Instead, I choose to allow myself
to just be aware, and to live IN to that version of me to the best of my
ability in each moment, in response to each new development along the way.
And I choose to feel better—because I CAN.
What about you? What are you experiencing right now that you
would like to feel better about? Who do you want to BE, moving forward from
here? Try living IN to that version of you, rather than living UP to it. More
than anything else, this is about being gentle and loving with ourselves, while
choosing personal empowerment in dealing with others. And we are all capable of
that.
Have an awesome day if you choose to!
Love
Sandi
Monday, October 2, 2017
I Choose... "Better than ever!"
Hello everyone,
As I was driving back to the desert this last weekend from
the Pacific Northwest, complaining in my mind
about the fact that I don’t actually like living in the desert, I noticed how
not-good those complaints were making me feel. And since I happen to know from
experience that I, myself, am the only one who can ever change how I feel, I
decided to do something about it.
I thought about what my personal beliefs are. I thought
about “Choose Your Universe” and what that material means to me. I thought
about my understanding that the Universe (God. The Divine) is always for
expansion and fuller expression. And I thought about going back to work in the
office and being asked “How are you?” I want to be able to give a positive
response to that question. I want to know that just because I don’t like living
in the desert does not meant that I can’t absolutely love my life here.
I have decided that my response from now on to the question,
"How are you?" is going to be, "Better than ever!" Why? Two
reasons.
First, I really do believe that the Universe is always for
expansion and fuller expression, and if that’s really the way it is, then “better
than ever” is a completely accurate response, isn’t it? (It makes me smile to
look at it this way!)
Second, deliberately responding with, “Better than ever” is
going to take some practice, and it’s going to take diligently getting into the
feeling of it. I see this as a great opportunity to pay attention in all
situations and interactions with others and choose to be “more compassionate
than ever” or “stronger than ever” or “more accepting than ever” or “more
patient than ever” or to have “more self-respect than ever” or… The list is
actually pretty long and, in fact, could very well be “ever expanding,” couldn’t
it? :-)
So right now, I am choosing to be – and to feel – better than
ever. Join me if you choose to.
Love
Sandi
P.S. Just an fyi – I have deleted all of my social media
accounts. I am doing a year-long, “life without social media” personal
experiment. No more Facebook, Twitter, etc. for me until October 1, 2018 (if by
then I actually have a desire to get back into it. I hope I don’t.)
Saturday, October 15, 2016
Thank You letter to Donald Trump
Dear
Donald Trump,
THANK
YOU for being the man that you are! I’m so grateful that your behavior on the
bus that day in 2005 was recorded, and that I happened to hear it this last
Wednesday.
Now,
I want to be clear about two things here: First, this thank you note has
NOTHING to do with the 2016 election or making any American voter right or wrong
regarding their choice in this election. Second, I’m making it public because I
know that I’m not the only survivor of sexual abuse and/or domestic violence
who has ever been emotionally triggered by your words and actions over the
years.
For
myself, the revulsion I feel when I hear your voice or see your face began
decades ago, and it’s a simple fact that my gut reaction to who you
are is not your fault. I recognize that it is my own emotional programming that
gets jolted into reminding me of my history of abuse whenever I see or hear
you, and that it has nothing to do with you personally. It has to do with your
public displays of personality. It has to do with how you present yourself to
the world. And up until that recording was gifted to the public a few days ago
I had no idea what you were like in private. That recording has provided us all
with a “fly on the wall” perspective that shows us the reality of your private personality.
So now we know.
And
now, because I HAVE discovered one particular aspect of the “real” you that
showed itself clearly in that video, I’ve found (to my intense gratitude and
relief) a reason to be glad that you are the man that you are. I have spent
this entire election working at feeling compassion for you, rather than
condemnation, because I know from experience that when I’m busy condemning
somebody I’m stuck carrying their heavy ass around with me wherever I go. When
I’m busy condemning someone, I must stay – quite literally – diligently busy checking on them to see
what I can judge them about next so I can continually prove to myself that they
are deserving of my judgment, contempt, and condemnation. And if I’m not able
to find anything “out there,” then I have to reignite stuff inside my own
thoughts, like a damn bellows, fanning those flames of hatred and judgment. This
is actually really hard work and I freaking HATE it. There are so many other
things I could be focusing my energy and attention on, and the only way to
release myself from this burden (which I, myself, lug around everywhere –
nobody forces me to do that) is to let go of condemnation and choose
compassion, instead. So I have been working hard, looking for something – anything – to light up for me regarding
you that I can find compassion for. Because really, you ARE heavy, and you keep
giving me more and more stuff to drag around with me. Until now.
There
was one word that you used in the conversation on that bus that has given me
that “something” to focus on that helps me to be able to purposefully (for my
own benefit, not yours, so there’s no need for anyone to go into “how dare you”
mode, or point out to me that you don’t care what I think of you) choose compassion.
And I’ve been able use this one thing, over and over again as necessary, to free
myself from carrying you around with me everywhere I go. Thank you so much! It’s
so nice to feel free again!
No,
“pussy” was not the word. The word was “it.” When you saw Arianne Zucker you
said, “Oh, it looks good.” With your use of that one word when referring to
that young woman, it was like you were viewing her as a cardboard game piece,
and you had zero recognition of her (very real and very worthy of so much more
than being seen as just a thing) personhood.
Not
only did I find my compassion for you within your use of that one word, I also
found a feeling of actual appreciation for two of my most violent, hateful,
hurtful abusers. And THAT is why I’m writing this note. Thank you, Mr. Trump,
for giving me this new insight into two men that I’ve worked very hard to
forgive. Those two men were the most abusive of all the men who ever hurt me
during the first 35 years of my life, but neither of them ever treated me like
I was just a thing. And that is
something that I can choose to appreciate about them. Although they did both
try to suppress and control my personhood, neither of them ever treated me like
it did not exist. I am so grateful that you have gifted me with this new and
different perception of them because this has caused another piece of the
forgiveness puzzle to fall into place for me. Again, freedom. Something to
appreciate.
As
for you and what your use of that word means to me, as heard in an everyday
Donald Trump dialogue: Your view of a human being as an “it,” as just a “thing,”
can only mean a pretty lonely, shallow existence for you, whether you realize
that or not. I’d be willing to bet that you don’t, or you would be doing your
life differently. You don’t know what you’re missing. And if all of your
relations with people are as shallow as your use of that one little word
suggests, then what you are missing is an aspect of true riches that you – with
that “cardboard game piece” view of other people – cannot possibly understand.
My life, which you would probably consider puny, includes many, many people
that I love and value, and that love and value me. And THIS life is worth so
much more to me than anything that you have ever displayed to the world as
so-called proof of how “great” your life supposedly is.
I
can totally have compassion for a man as shallow as you have shown us that you
are, because the only depth that you can personally claim as real is the chasm that stands between
your ego and your heart. And that is yours to deal with on your own, should you
ever choose to do so.
I,
myself, can now freely choose to perceive you as a human being who is deserving
of compassion, because your behavior proves over and over again that true
happiness is not something that is a part of your experience. (Believe it or
not, there’s a difference between real happiness and feeling glee as a result
of hurting, dominating, denigrating, or forcing yourself upon a person who
feels powerless to stop you.)
In
the sixteen years since I left my domestic violence existence behind me once
and for all, I have created and enjoyed a VERY rich life. Rich in love. Rich in
friendships. Rich in community. Rich in mutual respect and working together
with people who are very different from me. Rich in feelings of appreciation
and joy and deep connection.
I am
not claiming myself to be better than you or my life to be better than yours. I
am only saying that I experience life in a very different way than you do. And
now you have helped me – with your use of that one little two-letter word – to be
able to choose to see you with compassion rather than condemnation, and to be
able to set the burden of you down and not pick you back up again. Whatever
your behavior from here on out – and whether or not you become our President –
I never again need to feel emotionally invested in wishing that you would be
different so that I can feel better when I look at you. All I need to do is
remember the depth of that chasm that I mentioned above. Just the thought of a
fellow human being living with that kind of void inside him- or herself
automatically generates a feeling of compassion within me because I have first-hand
knowledge of what that person is missing. And you, with your perception of that
young woman as an “it,” have shown us clearly that you are missing a lot.
AND –
holy shit! – finding actual APPRECIATION for the two men in my life that I have
resented the most over the years is a GREAT added bonus, and that is the reason
I’m posting this publicly. Perhaps some of my fellow DV survivors can use this
idea to ease their own resentments toward their abusers, whether those abusers
acknowledged their personhood through trying to suppress and control it, or
treated them like game pieces – like “its” – there is something in this thank
you note for any survivor who would like a different perception of anyone in
their life who has hurt them, whether sexually, psychologically, emotionally,
spiritually, financially, physically, or any combination thereof.
So
thank you again, sir, for having that particular conversation on that
particular bus on that particular day, and for using that particular word in that
particular way, because with that one little word you told the world who you
really are and how you really view the rest of humanity – as cardboard game
pieces put here for you to manipulate. Knowing that ONE thing about you lets me
know that I can move you and your behavior to the “non-issue” pile, because nothing
that I do can ever force you to see my personhood. So really, it wouldn’t be
worth any of the time or effort that I would have to spend in that kind of
useless endeavor.
I
have found over the last few days that I no longer have to struggle against my
gag reflex when I see your face or hear your voice. Now it’s more of a
matter-of-fact, “Oh look. There’s that little man again. Yep, he’s still
little. I can go to compassion here and now, or I can let myself get caught up
in whatever he happens to be spewing today. Oh yeah… the little man is really a
non-issue. I choose compassion and wishing for him that one day he finds his
way across that chasm that exists between his ego and his heart. I look forward
to meeting the version of Donald Trump that will be the result of that journey.”
That would be epic. For you to experience that journey, and for the world to
see what a truly wealthy Donald Trump is like.
Sincerely,
Sandi
P.S.:
If you are a person who is a fan of Donald Trump becoming the President of the
United States of America, it is not up to me to make you “wrong” for that. Nor
am I. There are quite a few people in my life who are a part of the “richness”
that I mentioned above – people that I love, admire, and respect – who do want
to see him win this election, and I think that is perfectly okay. Why? Because
I happen to believe that every one of us is doing absolutely the best that we
know how from where we each stand as individuals within this circumstance. I,
from my position within the circumstance, cannot and would not ever presume to
know what is the best choice for YOU to make from YOUR position within this
circumstance. So please, if you are tempted to post a hateful response, just
don’t. I don’t have time for that shit, and really, neither do you. I am not
coming from hatred. I am actually being sincere in expressing my thanks to Mr.
Trump. My compassion is also sincere. And so is my thought that it would be
truly epic to see who he would become if he ever did decide to make that journey.
This letter is not about politics. It is about me choosing compassion over
condemnation, because I have the power to
do so. It is about me being responsible for my own experience of a
circumstance that appears to be absolutely ugly. This shift in perception is my
way of doing so. I do not want to hate this man. And so I choose not to.
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