Good morning and happy Sunday!
So this last week felt pretty rough for me and Rick, both. He ended up being in the hospital until Wednesday (best birthday present EVER was to have him come home that day!), as they worked to figure out what was going on with him. What they’ve determined is that he has blood clots and heart issues. He has at least one clot in his lungs (they were not able to do a CAT scan, so they had to do a test that only shows that he has at least one clot in his lungs, but not where it is, exactly). The lung blockage caused irritation to his heart, which sent him repeatedly into atrial fibrillation, which means that the top part of his heart “flutters” instead of pumping, so the blood just sits in the bottom of his heart and doesn’t go anywhere. (To all of my nurse friends who receive this e-mail [or read this blog post], I know this is a simplified explanation, but it’s how I understood it when they explained it to me.) There is more, but these are the two main things.
He’s home now, frustrated by how weak he feels, but improving every day. We have some lifestyle changes to make (food choices, exercise, and prescription meds) for the sake of getting him healthy and keeping him healthy, and we are in that process now.
For myself, I spent a lot of time over the last week upset with myself for various things. For taking the week off of work and being so unable to concentrate that I couldn’t get anything done. For feeling emotional. For not allowing myself to feel emotional. For eating for comfort. For not getting any exercise. For KNOWING that not one of these things was anything to be upset about, considering all that was going on, but beating myself up anyway. Ha! Beating myself up for beating myself up. Ick.
So for this week’s I Choose message, I’m called to take it to the basics. This week—and this entire year, for that matter—I’ll be choosing to NOTICE the choices that I’m making in each moment and in each circumstance. What am I choosing NOW, and NOW, and HERE, and NOW? How is my current choice making me feel? Who is it causing me to BE? What results is it going to bring into my experience if I don’t change it?
Feeling an irrational (although to my programming it will seem like the most rational thing in the world) need to protect myself, to crawl inside a shell and not let anything affect me? OR to not let myself “out.” To keep myself small and safe (and stuck)? I choose Vulnerability, because I know that a single act of daring, no matter how “small” it may seem to me, will change my entire concept of what I feel that I am capable of.
Feeling overwhelmed? I choose Non-resistance, because the second I just allow things to be exactly as they are, without wishing they were different, the pressure is eased.
Feeling discouraged? I choose either Non-attachment or Faith, whichever feels the most appropriate in the moment.
Feeling judgmental of myself or another? I choose Compassion.
Feeling incapable? I choose Confidence to whatever degree feels the most genuine to me.
Feeling resentment, anger, hatred, bitterness, etc. toward myself or another? I choose Forgiveness.
Feeling sorry for myself? I choose My Story. What’s the story that I’m telling that’s making me feel that way? And what’s a different, better-feeling story I can tell? My story is my own and I am the master of it. I can change it any time I choose to. And I choose to because I KNOW that the story that I consistently tell actually BECOMES the life that I live. The story has no power of its own, and it does not “tell itself.” It comes from within me and I know it. I choose to tell it the way I want to live it.
Not having a good feeling experience of a certain circumstance? I choose My Perception, because I know from experience that “when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at really do change.”
I could go on and on with these. The point that I’m making with this article is this: In every moment, in every circumstance, I always get to choose how I experience whatever is going on. All it takes is the decision to live that moment and that circumstance by my own purposeful design, rather than by default or habit. Yes, this is very easy to say. It is not that easy to do.
But it IS worth it.
So I begin this 51st year of my life at the beginning, reinforcing the foundation that I’ve worked hard to build over the last sixteen years. I do this for myself. I do it in honor of my mom, Carol Bachelor, who died in her 51st year, never having learned that she could do her life another way.
I Choose… My Choices
This week, (and this year) I choose to really, consciously pay attention. I choose to notice what I’m doing with my thoughts, perceptions, and attitudes in each and every moment, and if what I’m doing does not serve the BIG intentions that I have set for this year, I MAKE A DIFFERENT CHOICE. I make my 2016 Intentions my priority and my primary focus and I make my choices deliberately in accordance with those Intentions.
Join me if you choose to. And if you’ve set some 2016 Intentions for yourself, I’d LOVE to hear about them if you’d care to share them. It will serve you well to share them with someone who will be supportive of you as you work toward them. So I encourage you to do so – if not with me, then with someone who cares enough for you to give you the encouragement and emotional support that you will need if you’re going for something that feels really big to you.
Off for now. Have a great, empowered week-of-your-own-deliberate-choosing! Love to you all!
Have an awesome day if you choose to!
Rev. Sandra Daly
“Speak your Soul into this space.” Em Claire
Mom, I dedicate this year to you.
I live it deliberately, in your honor.
Carol Elaine Bachelor|
February 8, 1943 - August 27, 1994
Photo credit: Merrily Schulenberg