Good morning and happy Sunday!
So this last week felt pretty rough for me and
Rick, both. He ended up being in the hospital until Wednesday (best birthday
present EVER was to have him come home that day!), as they worked to figure out
what was going on with him. What they’ve determined is that he has blood clots
and heart issues. He has at least one clot in his lungs (they were not able to
do a CAT scan, so they had to do a test that only shows that he has at least
one clot in his lungs, but not where it is, exactly). The lung blockage caused
irritation to his heart, which sent him repeatedly into atrial fibrillation,
which means that the top part of his heart “flutters” instead of pumping, so
the blood just sits in the bottom of his heart and doesn’t go anywhere. (To all
of my nurse friends who receive this e-mail [or read this blog post], I know this is a simplified
explanation, but it’s how I understood it when they explained it to me.) There
is more, but these are the two main things.
He’s home now, frustrated by how weak he feels,
but improving every day. We have some lifestyle changes to make (food choices,
exercise, and prescription meds) for the sake of getting him healthy and
keeping him healthy, and we are in that process now.
For myself, I spent a lot of time over the last
week upset with myself for various things. For taking the week off of work and
being so unable to concentrate that I couldn’t get anything done. For feeling
emotional. For not allowing myself to feel emotional. For eating for comfort.
For not getting any exercise. For KNOWING that not one of these things was
anything to be upset about, considering all that was going on, but beating
myself up anyway. Ha! Beating myself up for beating myself up. Ick.
So for this week’s I Choose message, I’m called to
take it to the basics. This week—and this entire year, for that matter—I’ll be
choosing to NOTICE the choices that I’m making in each moment and in each
circumstance. What am I choosing NOW, and NOW, and HERE, and NOW? How is my
current choice making me feel? Who is it causing me to BE? What results is it
going to bring into my experience if I don’t change it?
Feeling an irrational (although to my programming
it will seem like the most rational thing in the world) need to protect myself,
to crawl inside a shell and not let anything affect me? OR to not let myself
“out.” To keep myself small and safe (and stuck)? I choose Vulnerability, because I know that a single act of daring,
no matter how “small” it may seem to me, will change my entire concept of what I
feel that I am capable of.
Feeling overwhelmed? I choose Non-resistance, because the second I just allow things to
be exactly as they are, without wishing they were different, the pressure is
eased.
Feeling discouraged? I choose either Non-attachment
or Faith, whichever feels the most appropriate in the moment.
Feeling judgmental of myself or another? I choose Compassion.
Feeling incapable? I choose Confidence to whatever degree feels the most genuine to
me.
Feeling resentment, anger, hatred, bitterness,
etc. toward myself or another? I choose
Forgiveness.
Feeling sorry for myself? I choose My Story. What’s the story that I’m telling that’s making
me feel that way? And what’s a different, better-feeling story I can tell? My
story is my own and I am the master of it. I can change it any time I choose
to. And I choose to because I KNOW that the story that I consistently tell
actually BECOMES the life that I live. The story has no power of its own, and
it does not “tell itself.” It comes from within me and I know it. I choose to
tell it the way I want to live it.
Not having a good feeling experience of a certain
circumstance? I choose My Perception,
because I know from experience that “when you change the way you look at
things, the things you look at really do change.”
I could go on and on with these. The point that
I’m making with this article is this: In every moment, in every circumstance, I
always get to choose how I experience whatever is going on. All it takes is the
decision to live that moment and that circumstance by my own purposeful design,
rather than by default or habit. Yes, this is very easy to say. It is not that
easy to do.
But it IS worth it.
So I begin this 51st year of my life at
the beginning, reinforcing the foundation that I’ve worked hard to build over
the last sixteen years. I do this for myself. I do it in honor of my mom, Carol
Bachelor, who died in her 51st year, never having learned that she
could do her life another way.
I Choose… My Choices
This week, (and this year) I choose to really,
consciously pay attention. I choose to notice what I’m doing with my thoughts,
perceptions, and attitudes in each and every moment, and if what I’m doing does
not serve the BIG intentions that I have set for this year, I MAKE A DIFFERENT
CHOICE. I make my 2016 Intentions my priority and my primary focus and I make
my choices deliberately in accordance with those Intentions.
Join me if you choose to. And if you’ve set some
2016 Intentions for yourself, I’d LOVE to hear about them if you’d care to share
them. It will serve you well to share them with someone who will be supportive
of you as you work toward them. So I encourage you to do so – if not with me,
then with someone who cares enough for you to give you the encouragement and
emotional support that you will need if you’re going for something that feels
really big to you.
Off for now. Have a great, empowered
week-of-your-own-deliberate-choosing! Love to you all!
Sandi
Have an awesome day if you choose to!
“Speak your Soul into this space.” Em Claire
Mom, I dedicate this year
to you.
I live it deliberately, in your honor.
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Carol Elaine Bachelor February 8, 1943 - August 27, 1994 Photo credit: Merrily Schulenberg |
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